Mullets.... who don't love em?

Josh O'Connor

It has occurred to me that the mullet is no longer dormant.

Screw fighting terrorism, we have to focus on the home front at a time like this. The threat of harassment is at an all time high, soon no one will be safe. Apparently G.W. Bush is hoping that American's won't notice the astoundingly increasing trend of hairfare. Beware citizens, the mullet is crawling out of the dark and dank surroundings it was once banished to. Mullets are no longer timid and week, they are on a comeback, and they aren't leaving until Guns and Roses makes their world Reunion Tour. Unfortunately for the earth, the possibility of a 'Guns n Roses' tour combined with a growing mullet population only spells trouble and not R O L A I D S.

So I urge you to begin notifying your local law enforcement of any probably mullet sightings, be wary though, mullets have been seen infiltrating the 'law dogs' ranks. Mullets are usually peaceful people but with a Great White going up in flames, and no release date in sight for the new GNR album they have become restless. They have been seen escorting their 'young uns' to Nsync and Otown shows, this has catastrophic possibilities. Pop and mullets don't mix, just look at Milli Vanilli the only daring mullets that thought they could pull off pop. They almost made it, luckily MTV(mullets that vote) broke the story on Milli and Vanilli. If mullets had infiltrated the world of pop we would have a WWE wrestler running for president, they can have NASCAR and WWE, but only Disney can balance the power struggle with their pop machine.

Call your congressman, and tell him you vote and you hope that he heeds your warnings of unavoidable doom if we don't curb the mullet population. Believe me in the future your children will thank you.